sábado, 23 de octubre de 2010


I don't get it.
I do not know what is wrong with me.
I just know there is something.
I hate it.
I'm over sensitive, it takes seconds for me to start crying, seconds!
It takes a few words for tears to come out!
I know something's wrong, I just don't know what!
Time doesn't heal it all, does it?
I know my gut is telling me something and the crying means something too but I just can't figure it out...

It's funny, usually I'm not this clueless about myself, but to be fair there's a lot of things going on, I need constant distractions or I start crying, I need to play stupid games so I won't think and of course writing here gives my mind time to think...
I thought reading a book would help but basic things such as family, romance or friendship, triggers the tears, so no reading.
I'm a mess, and I swear I don't know why.
The thing is distance and time won't help, not until I figure out what the problem is (so I can figure from what I need distance and time) and I can't distract myself long enough for tears to Never come.
It hurts to see my family, it hurts to leave, it hurts to see certain things, everything hurts, going to the church, going to the one mall (just one! I hate this stupid little city!), staying home, going to restaurants, everything, it seems like I have no place to run to... I can't run away from something that I dont know what it is... I need to figure out what it is soon...
I can't keep running from sadness
I'm so screwed
Here I am, crying over somethin that I don't know what it is, so I'm pretty much crying over anything, nothing and everything, because I need an outlet, for something that I have no idea what it is, yeah, I'm real smart...

You should be here! telling me to take it easy, telling me I'm smart enough to figure it out, telling me to stop lying to myself and to stop hiding, to get real because I do know what the heck is wrong with me or will soon, so I need to just breath...

Crying and writing helps, despite what self-help books say...

No hay comentarios:

Publicar un comentario